you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
