i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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