no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
