yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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