The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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