She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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