Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
