She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
