they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
