the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
