I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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