I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
