Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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