sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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