did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
