you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
