i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
