some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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