Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
