It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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