Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
