I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
