why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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