I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
