Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
