Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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