so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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