I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
