Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
