We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
