omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
