My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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