is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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