I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
