if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
