do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize