from now on my penis is your penis
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
