apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
