So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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