Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
