Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
