i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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