I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
