Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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