you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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