Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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