today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
