the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
