I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need a beard to bite.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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