went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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