well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
