Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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