drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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