I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
