guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
