One girl and one boy is just not enough.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize