I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
