the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
