Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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