I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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