Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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