..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
