the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I lost the right to judge tonight
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
