Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
