Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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