At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize