Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
