You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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