I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
