Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
