Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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