waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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