oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
