I just made out with a guy for $7.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I smell stomach acid.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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