ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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